Knights of the New Republic

Session 12: The Journals of Irsin Rashos

From the private Journals of Irsin Rashos
26:01:123 ABY; Shortly after midnight aboard Ship

Darkness dampened only by the faint glow of a holo-display. Sitting in the center of the glow, Irsin works at the console, slightly hunched. The familiar beeps and acknowledgement noises of the computer are the only sounds. Eventually he heaves a heavy sigh, and a series of loud popping noises issues from his joints as he stretches in the chair.

I think I might actually be almost done with this blasted thing. Just another day or so of this kind of work…

Irsin leans forward putting his head in his hand

I might already be done if I could think straight. So much seems to happen all at once lately. First the incident with the ambush and that damned captive. Then…

Irsin seems to gather himself

And then there was the campfire. Oh by the Force that was more than I had intended…but it just happened, not that I’m complaining of course it’s just that it wasn’t what I was expecting. And she didn’t seem at all upset, quite the contrary actually. I don’t know what I expected though, perhaps drawing her lightsaber on me? (chuckle)

For Edge’s sake would you listen to me? I’m babbling like a 1st year apprentice who just got told he was going Mynock hunting and didn’t know the headache he was in for…

What I wouldn’t give to be able to just let this happen…to just trust again, and give with an open heart. And yet, can I really risk it? Can I allow that to happen after everything that’s happened? Q’ayla – well she’s not Arnil is she? No matter how terrifying it might be, she’s not the same person. And we’re not on Kesh.

What was it Logrin used to say? “The past is a tool to be used, understood and learned from, but do not let it blind you to the present.” Perhaps he still has things he can teach me. Even now.

And then of course there was the situation with Q’aleane. That was certainly…unusual. Remind me not to try to mess with Q’aleane if she’s sleeping eh? Might end up with my brains a pile of mush like that Rancor did. I don’t think she realized just how dangerous it is to do what she did…but it was certainly impressive, if more than a little scary. The desire to keep the beast’s head was no less odd…just when I think I’m beginning to understand her a bit.

She also spoke of some kind of Dark Force nexus in the recording we heard during the episode. We saw no trace of it…but I don’t doubt Q’aleane’s ability to report accurate information. Something about this planet is very wrong. The pulse of the dark side is everywhere, but it’s not just that. It’s like the planet itself is…watching us. Toying with us. I don’t much like being toyed with. I’d just assume leave the planet to its own devices. Except that I won’t leave them. Q’ayla especially, but Q’aleane too. The situation with the Rancor is reason enough for that. neither of them should be left here, which means I stay.

Long pause as he turns back to the computer console at some kind of alert. He types a few lines of code and begins talking absently while he works

I just wish I knew how to talk to Q’ayla about what happened the other night by the fire. I’m sure with everything that’s happened with her sister it’s the furthest thing from her thoughts, but I can’t get it out of my head. (Grumbling softly) No no no – not that, a little bit…there.

I guess it comes down to this: Do I truly not know how I feel about Q’ayla? Or am I just afraid to admit it? If there’s one thing the Sith teach that’s true, it’s that hiding from an emotion doesn’t make it go away. Well… (cursing under his breath as sparks fly up from the exposed circuitry next to him) Oh Blast it! (Irsin punches a few keys and the sparks stop).

I had better stop working on this while I’m so distracted. Who knows what I’d screw up with my head so full of other things. Not that I can get any sleep either…She’s probably sleeping…Maybe if I don’t knock too loud it won’t wake her up though.

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